Thursday, April 2, 2009

Perspective, Perspective

The past few weeks (months) have been sort of dark for me, with the very bright exception of our new bakfiets and commitment to commuting by bike. The focus of my blogging during this time has been on our wonderful cargo bike and how great it feels to be out riding, and I have (mostly) avoided some of the heavier stuff.

I am not feeling the energy to write about the other stuff and there are some things that are just not cool to write about publicly on a blog. I look at these wonderfully talented crafty mama blogs and recognize how far away I am from them. I worry that all our life stressors have led me to disengage a bit with my boys lately, and that leaves me feeling even more stressed. Ahhh, the mama guilt is rough. Do daddas feel it as strongly?

Our apartment needs a major clean-out and clean-up. I have two pairs of shoes still boxed up, stacked in our bedroom, taunting me daily that desperately need to returning to Zappos. I have a very-much wanted sewing machine, gifted from my in-laws at Christmas, in its box sitting next to the ginormous pile of kids' art not hanging on the wall. I just feel like we are in survival mode. But we have seemed to be in survival mode for a reallllllllly long time. Is this just what life is like?

OH, poor me, huh? I am lucky to have these beautiful boys. I am fortunate to have my job. I am blessed with a great life partner. Perspective, perspective, right? Here are some flashes of moments, images that capture good stuff, things that I cannot allow to get lost in the mire of stress at work, illness, loss, and gloom.

Twin crazy front teeth! Both boys' front left teeth are quite loose and have been making a path closer and closer to their right front teeth. It's a race to see who will lose his first.

Our three amaryllis plants. Bought the bulbs from the same source. Planted them at the same time. Tried to give them equal sun and water but yet look how incredibly different they have grown. Yup, of course I see the metaphor in this one.

Dancing shirtless, homemade necklace adorned, in the living room.

Posing next to our Philippine rice god, bought as a wedding gift by our Peace Corps friend April, who is celebrating her 60th birthday. Happy birthday, April.

Big brother reading little brother a book before bed.

Spring! Yes, it is arriving. Three boys playing outside without coats. Finally.


Jennifer said...

Cute pictures especially the one of F dancing. Hope spring will come and things will start looking up.

Anonymous said...

"I just feel like we are in survival mode. But we have seemed to be in survival mode for a reallllllllly long time. Is this just what life is like?"

this is where i am, too. and i can't blog about so much of it without upsetting j.